


Feel So Alive

by cestlavieminako



Category: Kamen Rider Kuuga
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, M/M, Rimming, first time fic, there can never be enough fic talking about what happened between episodes 19 and 20 ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:14:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24414943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cestlavieminako/pseuds/cestlavieminako
Summary: If there was one thing dying had taught him, it was that he needed to treasure what was important to him.
Relationships: Godai Yuusuke/Ichijou Kaoru
Comments: 13
Kudos: 20





	Feel So Alive

**Author's Note:**

> You can't tell me that this isn't what happened between the end of episode 19 and the beginning of episode 20 where they are SUDDENLY VERY VERY COMFORTABLE WITH EACH OTHER AND BEING SILLY AND SMILEY, OK??
> 
> (obviously there are gonna be spoilers here, for episodes 18-20)

It had taken every ounce of control in Ichijou’s body to keep from reacting as drastically as he’d wanted to when Godai had shown up, so suddenly and unexpectedly. When Number 26 had looked up so suddenly, and had spat out something in its language, followed by the one word that had made Ichijou’s heart leap.

 _Kuuga_.

Then there was a blur as Kuuga appeared, clad in his white armor—would that be strong enough against this Unidentified Lifeform, Ichijou had wondered, when he’d succumbed to its poison in his red form previously?—and suddenly the battle was pulled away from the handful of cops that were remaining. Ichijou was thankful for that; no one else needed to die today, and they’d lost far too many. He snatched up his rifle, doubting that the rounds it contained would be of much use against Number 26, but he wanted— _needed_ —to be there, to offer Godai support if he needed it.

But as it turned out, he was fine on his own, and the Unidentified Lifeform went down quickly enough.

And then Kuuga was turning, and giving him that familiar thumbs-up, and the armor dropped to reveal Godai’s smiling face.

That smile that Ichijou had thought he would never see again.

There were a thousand things he wanted to say, but what had come out was “You’re late!” He’d caught a glimpse of Godai’s confusion before he turned away, and returned the thumbs-up over his shoulder, unable to keep from smiling. He heard Godai jogging after him, then a startled sound and a thud, and Ichijou turned quickly, thinking that the fantasy had suddenly ended, that, with Number 26 destroyed, whatever had brought Godai back had abruptly been wrenched from his body, leaving him a lifeless husk once again.

But then Godai pushed himself up, getting to his feet shakily and shooting Ichijou a sheepish smile. “Guess my body hasn’t quite caught up with me after all.”

“Will you be all right to operate your motorcycle?” 

Godai rubbed his neck. “That’s the thing…it’s still wherever you brought it after I first fought Number 26. I ran here.”

Ichijou couldn’t help but stare. “You…ran.”

“Yup. When I came back, I felt so full of energy, so it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe I’ll just run back to Pole Pole and catch a nap…”

If he did that, he’d put most marathon runners to shame, but he could also wind up hurting himself. Ichijou shook his head. “No…I can give you a lift wherever you need to go. But you also should go see everyone later. After you…” He trailed off, not wanting to even say it. _Died_. “It was my duty to inform them, of course. But your sister, and Sawatari-san, they were all very certain that you’d be back. So they’ll be wanting to see you.”

Godai seemed to be mulling it all over as he nodded, and they went back to Ichijou’s cruiser. Ichijou paused long enough to tell Sugita that he needed to drop Godai off somewhere, and Sugita waved a hand at him. “It’s more or less under control here. Go get a few hours of sleep afterward, before you come back to the station. You’ve been dead on your feet since this one appeared.”

Ichijou couldn’t argue; he hadn’t been able to rest since he’d found Godai on the ground, struggling to draw in a breath. It was all he could see when he closed his eyes. And after Tsubaki had called to tell him that Godai had succumbed to the poison… 

It wasn’t like he could sleep when the man he loved had died.

The thought had Ichijou stop dead in his tracks. He… _did_ he love Godai? He barely knew him. But he couldn’t deny that his heart felt less like it was being squeezed into paste, now that he’d laid eyes on Godai again.

But it wasn’t as though he could tell him this, or act on these feelings. He wasn’t sure he’d even know _how_ to. 

So he simply slid into the driver’s seat of his cruiser, and glanced at Godai. “Do you want me to drop you off at Pole Pole?” Ichijou figured after that, he could go back to the dorm where he’d been staying. He could perhaps get an hour or two of sleep, and a shower and fresh clothes, which would be better than nothing at all.

Godai was silent for a moment, and Ichijou, thinking he’d fallen asleep, glanced over, only to find the other man’s eyes on him, and he felt his face heating up.

“Actually…there _is_ somewhere I want to go,” Godai finally said.

Ichijou nodded, starting the engine and turning on the cruiser’s sad excuse for air conditioning. When had it gotten so close to summertime? He should have taken his suit jacket off before getting into the car, but it would be more trouble than it was worth to struggle out of it right now. “Ok, where…”

Before Ichijou could say anything further, Godai was leaning toward him, his fingers trailing through Ichijou’s hair and tickling across the back of his neck.

And then Godai was kissing him. Right here, in Ichijou’s cruiser, where anyone casting a glance their way would be able to see.

And Ichijou found that he didn’t care if anyone _did_ see. He reached out, fingers closing around Godai’s shirt, feeling the other man shifting as close as he could manage, hearing a soft sigh of relief in his throat.

When Godai abruptly drew back, something that sounded very much like a whimper escaped Ichijou’s lips, which made him flush all over again.

“Can we go back to your place?” Godai asked, and Ichijou was secretly pleased that he didn’t sound as composed as he usually did. 

Ichijou exhaled shakily. “I’ve been staying at the police dorms while I’m in Tokyo. It’s…probably not the best place to bring someone.”

“Then…would you be against getting a hotel room with me?” Godai continued, one of his hands slipping past Ichijou’s suit jacket, fingers running lightly over his shirt. “Because I really want to be with you.”

Godai’s words went directly to his groin, and Ichijou wanted to whimper from the absolute pleasure of knowing that he was desired that fiercely. “I’ve…only got a few hours,” he finally replied. It was already nearing sunrise, and it had been very kind of Sugita to give him some time to rest, but now Ichijou knew that sleep was most likely not going to happen.

“A love hotel, then?” Godai suggested, grinning as he watched Ichijou’s face slowly go red. 

“I’ve never…” Ichijou began, his voice trailing off.

“Never been to a love hotel?” Godai offered.

Ichijou shook his head. “Yes. I mean, no, I’ve never been to one. But I meant that I’ve never…” He trailed off again in frustration, and waved a hand between the two of them. “Done…this.”

“Do…do you still want to?” Godai asked. “It doesn’t have to be right now, but…”

“No,” Ichijou said. “No, it definitely needs to be right now.”

A relieved smile crossed Godai’s lips, and he sat back in his seat. “I’ll give you directions, then.”

*

Ichijou couldn’t help but feel incredibly embarrassed when they arrived at the hotel. At least it was tasteful; Ichijou had expected something elaborately overdone, with heart-shaped beds, mirrored ceilings, and bowls of condoms every ten feet. But the hotel itself was lowkey, the décor was modest, and the young woman manning the front desk didn’t bat an eyelash when Godai asked for a room for three hours. 

Three hours. It sounded like an eternity, but at the same time, not nearly long enough.

Their room reminded Ichijou of an average hotel room, if he had to be honest. The bed looked large and comfortable, the bathroom clean, and there was even a small closet tucked off in the corner. Well…that was good, Ichijou thought to himself, as he realized that he didn’t have a change of clothes with him. He always kept a gym bag in his cruiser in Nagano with a change of clothes in it, just in case, but…that was in Nagano. He hadn’t even thought about doing the same thing here, figuring he wouldn’t be in Tokyo long enough to worry about it. 

“I need a shower,” Godai said. “I’m sure we’ll just wind up taking another one before we leave, but…I was dead.” He paused, as if the reality was finally sinking in. “I just…need to get that off me.”

Ichijou nodded. “I could probably use one, too…I worked straight through yesterday.”

“Do you want to take one together?” Godai offered. “Nah, that might be a bit much right now. Maybe later. Here, I’ll hop in, and then you go in right after me. I won’t be five minutes.”

Ichijou nodded, quickly averting his gaze as Godai began to strip out of his clothes right in the middle of the room. But then he chided himself, reminded himself that he was going to be naked right alongside of Godai soon enough, and it was perfectly all right to look at him.

Godai wasn’t chiseled, but he was lean and muscled from years of traveling, from walking through hundreds of towns that Ichijou had probably never even heard of, and…god, did he have a nice ass, nice enough that Ichijou suddenly imagined grabbing handfuls of it while Godai was buried inside of him, and he quickly turned away, sternly telling certain parts of his anatomy to _behave_.

After Godai ducked into the bathroom, Ichijou perched on the edge of the bed, and only then did he notice the small bowl of assorted condoms and single-use packages of lube.

Well…that was convenient, he supposed, since he certainly didn’t have anything of the sort on him, and he doubted Godai did, either. At least the hotel was advocating safe sex.

Then Godai was emerging from the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist, and Ichijou shot to his feet as if the bed had suddenly become electrified. Clothes…he needed to hang his suit up so it hopefully wouldn’t be _too_ obvious that he was wearing the same thing when he returned to the station. For a moment, he wished he’d chosen a plain shirt that was more likely to be overlooked, but there was little he could do about it now.

Ichijou was standing by the closet, fumbling with his necktie, when another pair of hands slid up to work the knot loose, sliding it from his shirt collar, and he saw Godai turn to hang it from one of the hangers in the closet.

Then he turned back to Ichijou, fingers moving up to the first button on his shirt, and began to unfasten each one deftly, tugging the shirt out from his slacks, working it off his body, then turning to hang it up carefully, brushing a hand over it to chase away any lingering creases.

The belt came off next, and was draped over the same hanger as the necktie, and Ichijou’s breath hitched as Godai’s fingers moved to the button on his slacks. He wanted to protest that he could take the pants off himself, but he found himself unable to do little more than watch as Godai unzipped the slacks, bending a bit to pull them downward. Ichijou shifted so Godai could work the garment off, and he straightened to drape the slacks over a hanger.

Then his gaze shifted back to Ichijou, running over his mostly naked form, and he tried to shift attention from his rapidly hardening shaft by bending to tug his socks off. There was no way he could take his underwear off until he was in the bathroom, though. He knew Godai would see him completely naked soon enough—and that sent another surge of lust directly to his groin—but he simply didn’t have Godai’s confidence, to just take it all off like no one else was there. 

In fact, Ichijou felt like he had all but run into the bathroom, sighing in exasperation at himself. He was hopeless. Thank goodness Godai seemed to be more than willing to take control.

He turned to the shower, then noticed that Godai’s socks and boxers were draped over the towel rack, slightly damp. It was better than nothing, Ichijou thought to himself, and after peeling off his boxer briefs—taking a moment to recall how Godai’s eyes had roamed over the garment very appreciatively—he gave them and his socks a quick washing, hoping they’d be dry enough to wear by the time they left. 

Then he got in the shower. He’d become quite adept at taking showers that were five minutes or less, since most days he simply didn’t have the time to linger, and today was no different. He simply wanted to wash away the fatigue, the sorrow and worry that had laid on him like a smothering blanket ever since Tsubaki had called him with the awful news.

He toweled off quickly, trying to calm his wildly thudding heart as he wrapped the towel around his waist, then opened the bathroom door and stepped back into the bedroom.

When he sat on the bed, he noticed that Godai’s eyes were closed, and he seemed to be asleep, but for one horrible moment, Ichijou thought that Godai had suddenly died again, and he sucked in a sharp breath, only barely managing to keep from grabbing the other man’s shoulders and shaking him until he woke up.

The sharp inhalation had been enough, and Godai opened his eyes, pushing himself up onto his elbows. “Sorry, I guess I dozed off,” he said around a huge yawn.

“If you’re that tired, then we could just sleep,” Ichijou offered. “Anything else can wait.”

As he finished speaking, Ichijou was tugged down onto the mattress, and Godai was leaning over him. 

“I don’t want to wait. I don’t think I _can_ wait anymore. Ichijou-san…” 

Then Godai’s lips were on his, and Ichijou had to agree. He didn’t think he could wait any longer either.

Godai’s hands moved to the towel around Ichijou’s waist, working it loose, his hands reverently moving across Ichijou’s bare hips. Ichijou’s hands were shaking slightly as he tugged Godai’s towel off, tossing it aside, and he couldn’t help himself; his hands slid around to Godai’s backside, giving it a playful squeeze as he tugged the other man closer. They both groaned into the kiss as their bodies rubbed together, Ichijou’s skin feeling so incredibly sensitive that it felt as though electricity was shooting through every nerve in his body.

Godai’s hand slid between their bodies, fingers wrapping around their lengths as best he could manage, and he drew back slightly, just enough to see Ichijou’s face while he touched him. He wanted to do this with him since…forever, it felt like, even though they hadn’t known each other for that long. But they’d grown to work so well together, and Godai had come to look forward to those moments when he could get Ichijou to smile. 

If there was one thing dying had taught him, it was that he needed to treasure what was important to him.

And Ichijou was so very important.

He heard Ichijou’s voice raise, just moments before his release splattered between their bodies, and Godai somehow knew that Ichijou would try to apologize for it, and he pressed a finger against Ichijou’s lips. “Don’t say anything. It’s fine…and I’m sure I can make you cum a _lot_ more than that.” 

He felt Ichijou’s shaft twitch under his hand, and he grinned. If only Ichijou-san knew how many times Godai had only dreamed of this moment. He hadn’t taken a time limit into account; he’d always imagined an entire day with Ichijou, taking his time with him, exploring every inch of his body and seeing what he liked best, what made him react most, what made him cum the hardest. Maybe he couldn’t do all of that today, but he wanted to give as much pleasure to Ichijou as he could possibly manage, and the clock was unfortunately ticking.

Whatever he couldn’t do today…there would be other opportunities, he knew that for sure. The way Ichijou was looking up at him right then, a mixture of adoration and desperation in his eyes, as if he wanted to ask Godai for more but didn’t dare to.

There _was_ one thing that came to Godai’s mind just then, and he couldn’t help but grin as he drew Ichijou into a sitting position. “Get on your hands and knees for me? There’s something I’ve really wanted to do for you.”

Ichijou did as he was asked, an odd mixture of anticipation, curiosity, and nervousness swirling inside him. He couldn’t help but feel foolish at how clueless he was about…well, just about everything regarding sex, but truth be told, he simply hadn’t been interested in it. He’d seen no real need for any of it. 

Until Godai. Now, he felt more than willing to do anything and everything possible, as long as it was with him.

He felt Godai’s fingers kneading his buttocks, and he tried to not squirm under the touch. 

Then something warm and wet traced very lightly across sensitive flesh, and his body shuddered from the touch. It repeated again and again, and Ichijou trembled every time, his fingers twitching against the sheets.

When Godai’s tongue began to slip inside him, Ichijou couldn’t help but gasp from the odd sensation of being penetrated. He hoped he wouldn’t embarrass himself by coming in record time again. But nobody had ever touched him like this before, nobody had ever done _that_ to him before, and Godai was working his tongue in further, his fingers digging into his ass, and god, it felt so amazing, and he never thought anyone could get him to make sounds like _that_..!

With a final loud cry, Ichijou came, his entire body shaking from the suddenness and the force of his release, and he collapsed onto the mattress, trying to remember how to breathe.

He felt the bed shift, and his overloaded brain simply couldn’t figure out where Godai was going. He heard the sound of water running, and then…gargling? Ichijou simply could not puzzle it out, so he opted to lay there in a boneless heap. If this was all they wound up doing, he thought he would be pretty content.

Then the mattress shifted again, and Ichijou smelled something faintly minty, as he was guided onto his back, and something warm and soft ran across his stomach. He finally convinced his eyes to open, and there was Godai, wiping the smeared release from his stomach, before leaning in to kiss him gently. And again, Ichijou caught the scent of mint on the other man.

“Sorry…I didn’t want to kiss you again until I’d swished some mouthwash. Did you see there’s some in the bathroom? Toothpaste, too. This place is pretty generous.” Godai trailed off, shaking his head to get back on track. “But yeah, I didn’t want to go straight from rimming you to kissing you. And this way, I could get us cleaned off. For now.”

The way Godai said those last two words had Ichijou stirring again, and clearly the other man had noticed, as he dropped another kiss on Ichijou’s lips, tugging the towel out from under him and dropping it on the floor with the washcloth. 

“Ichijou-san…do you want more?”

“Yes,” Ichijou answered immediately, his voice barely above a whisper. “Please, Godai.”

Godai leaned over toward the bowl Ichijou had noticed earlier, plucking out a condom and a packet of lube, hesitating before he grabbed another one. He watched as Godai struggled to open the packet—were his hands shaking?—and, once it was open, he squeezed the contents onto his fingers.

“Try to relax, ok? And if you need to stop, tell me.”

Ichijou nodded, watching Godai move between his legs, spreading them a bit further when he was asked. This level of vulnerability was almost embarrassing to him, until Ichijou looked up to see Godai’s eyes on him, a reassuring smile on his lips.

Godai’s fingertip began rubbing gently over his hole, and Ichijou whimpered softly, his body still feeling so overly sensitive. 

“Relax, Kaoru-san.”

Ichijou sucked in a startled breath at the unexpected use of his name, just as Godai began to slip his finger inside him. His eyes closed for a moment, a soft moan leaving his lips, before he met Godai’s gaze.

“Is it ok, calling you Kaoru..?”

“O-of course it is,” Ichijou replied, tugging Godai closer and pressing their lips together. It was more than ok, he thought; it made everything feel so _real_. Like this was the beginning of a real relationship.

When they drew apart, Ichijou’s gaze went to Godai’s chest, which still bore the burns from Tsubaki’s repeated attempts to save his life. He’d told Ichijou that even the defibrillator hadn’t started Godai’s heart again, and he’d tried multiple times. The marks had begun to fade, thanks to Godai’s incredible death-defying healing powers, but they were still very visible, and Ichijou sucked in a breath at suddenly being confronted with a very real reminder of Godai’s brush with death. He traced his fingers lightly over the marks, before settling his hand at the center of Godai’s chest, directly over his heart, feeling it thump strongly beneath his hand.

“Yusuke…”

Godai looked more pleased than surprised when Ichijou said his name, and he smiled, working his finger in a bit deeper. “I feel like you’re the anchor that brought me back. I know Kuuga is needed…but…Kaoru-san needed me, too.”

Conversation trailed off as Godai focused on working Ichijou to readiness, seeming perfectly content to watch his reactions and drink in every sound he made, adding a second finger when Ichijou felt ready for it. Time was surely passing by quickly, but Godai refused to rush this very important step, wanting to make sure that Ichijou was properly prepared before they moved on.

It felt like no time at all had passed, but Godai had added a third finger at some point, and Ichijou’s hands were tugging at him, drawing him closer, and he breathed, “I’m ready, Yusuke. Please…I need you…”

He definitely felt ready. And god, was Godai ready. He grabbed up the condom packet, struggling to open it with slick fingers, before pulling at the packaging with his teeth.

The little square shot out of his hand and flew over the side of the bed.

They both froze, as if processing what had happened, before Ichijou’s soft snort of laughter broke the silence. That sound was like flipping a switch, and they both dissolved into a fit of laughter for what felt like forever, arms wrapped around each other as they struggled to compose themselves.

“That…was unexpected,” Ichijou finally gasped, wiping tears from his eyes. God, when had he last laughed like that? When he glanced up at Godai, he was surprised to see the other man simply regarding him with a fond smile. “What?”

“It’s good to see you laugh like that,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Ichijou’s lips. “Just…being able to laugh like this during sex. It feels great.”

“You know what would be great? If you grab a different condom and try that again,” Ichijou stated. “Or let me open it, since my hands aren’t covered in lube.”

“Bossy,” Godai huffed, but he couldn’t help grinning as he reached over and plucked another square from the bowl, handing it to Ichijou. “You can put it on me, too, if you want.”

Godai hadn’t expected him to actually _do_ it, and when he felt Ichijou rolling the condom onto his length, he couldn’t help but groan softly. “Somebody’s eager.”

“You mean you’re not?” Ichijou murmured, squeezing the contents of the second packet of lube onto his palm and running it along Godai’s length.

Then Godai was catching Ichijou’s hands with his own, moving them out of the way, and the head of his shaft was pressing against his entrance. Ichijou sucked in a shaky breath, meeting Godai’s gaze.

And then Godai began to ease himself into his body, and Ichijou groaned in pleasure, his slick fingers twining with Godai’s, giving his hand an encouraging squeeze. 

“Kaoru-san…” Godai breathed as he slid further in. “You ok?”

“Very,” Ichijou managed to gasp, sliding his free hand up into Godai’s hair, fingers splaying against the back of his head and drawing him down until their lips met.

Once Godai was fully seated, he gave Ichijou a moment to adjust, before drawing back and thrusting shallowly into him once again, a sound of pleasure echoing in his throat. He drew back, meeting Ichijou’s gaze as he drew back and thrust into him again, a bit harder that time, hearing his voice raise in pleasure.

It was so difficult. Godai wanted to take his time and be slow and gentle the entire time, but he also wanted to hear what kind of sounds Ichijou would make if he moved faster. What would he prefer? Ah, why didn’t they have more time? 

In the end, he let Ichijou control the pace. If he asked Godai to speed up, he did. If he wanted him to go deeper, then he did. And when Godai finally found the spot that made him see stars, Ichijou begged him to do it again, before he simply gasped “don’t stop don’t stop” until he threw his head back, crying out Godai’s name as he came. The sight before him, and the feeling of Ichijou’s body clamping so tightly around him, had Godai following him just moments later.

They wound up in a slick, sweaty pile on the sheets, limbs tangled together, trying to bring each other as close as possible, pressing kisses to each other’s lips, each clearly debating the merits of a second round.

In the end, Godai had barely removed the condom and disposed of it, before he found Ichijou pulling him back into his embrace, and they surrendered to the sleep that their bodies insisted they need. 

*

“Kaoru-san.”

Ichijou made a disgruntled sleepy sound as he rolled over, trying to burrow his face into his pillow. He’d just gotten to sleep, hadn’t he?

“It’s already 8am, Kaoru-san, and we definitely need showers before we leave. Come on…don’t make me hunt for ticklish spots to wake you up.”

Ichijou’s eyes opened to take in the mirth on Godai’s face. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Hmm…that reaction makes me want to try.”

Ichijou huffed, but finally managed to drag himself into a sitting position. 

“How do you feel?” Godai asked, watching Ichijou get to his feet.

“Good. Tired.” He sighed, wrapping his arms around Godai and pulling him close, simply taking a moment to appreciate the other man’s closeness, his scent, the way he felt in his arms, before stepping back. “Think we can manage to shower together to save some time?”

“I guess we’ll have to find out,” Godai replied, grinning.

It wound up taking almost the entire remaining half hour, and Ichijou had needed to put on his necktie in the cruiser once they’d finally left. It took him several tries, and he wasn’t sure if it was due to sleep deprivation, or from the punch drunk feeling they both had after that shower, or if it was simply because Godai was watching him so intently, a small smile on his lips indicating that his thoughts were not entirely pure.

But that was fine, Ichijou thought, as he started the engine and set out for their first destination.

Several minutes had passed where they’d most likely been recalling choice moments from their time together, until Godai finally broke the silence.

“I should say something cool when red Kuuga changes colors.” He paused to mimic his transformation pose. “’Chou Henshin!’ What do you think?”

Ichijou definitely couldn’t hide his soft chuckle or smile in time, but he tried nonetheless, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. “Why not?”

“All right!” Godai had grinned, then started drumming on the dashboard, and Ichijou couldn’t help but glance over at him fondly, catching his gaze for just a moment, before Godai picked up his radio and began loudly singing into it. 

He was hopelessly in love.

Hopefully it wouldn’t be obvious to anyone else, he thought to himself.

But, judging by all of the curious glances he and Godai got from friends and colleagues as they went about their rounds that day, it was _very_ obvious.


End file.
